Living in Shadow: Redux
by ES8345
Summary: Revision of my story of the same name. Tails is consumed in a soul-shattering depression after the death of the only person that the flying vulpine ever truly loved. His depression culminates in an act of self-mutilation until he is discovered by one of his closest friends. Can his friend help him, or will their relationship just lead to new struggles?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my revision of Living in Shadow. It tells the same story, but I've added some more background information and also a bit more elaboration on some of the themes that are present. On top of that, I've spaced out the paragraphs and rewritten some of the sentences so they flow a little better grammatically. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog or any related characters from the video games, Sonic X, or the Archie Comics.

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**Chapter One**

It was a dreary, rainy day. Of course, to a certain depressed two-tailed fox, everyday seemed that way. Two years had passed since the defeat of the Metarex, and the death of the only one the flying vulpine ever truly loved.

Tails was in his room lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. After he was basically forced to kill Cosmo, he'd cultivated her seed as promised. After two years, he figured that something would have happened. This is what was causing his depression. He'd heard all of the clichés: "It'll get better in time; eventually the hurt will go away." He let out a deep sigh. The clichés were wrong. The hurt doesn't go away; it never goes away. If anything, it gets stronger. He sighed again. He didn't notice the cream colored rabbit floating outside his window.

Cream hovered back down to the ground where Chris was waiting. After the fall of the Metarex, Chris finally perfected his dimensional portal, and it is now possible for denizens of one dimension to freely cross over to the other. He also found a way to synchronize the time streams, so time passes the same in both dimensions.

"It doesn't look like he's moved since I checked this morning," said Cream upon landing under his waiting umbrella, "I'm worried about him. It seems like he's getting worse."

"I'll stop by tonight to talk to him before I go home," said Chris. She nodded as they turned and walked down the road towards Sonic's house.

Back in his room, Tails sat up and glanced out his window to see his two friends walking away, "I wish they would stop coming to check up on me."

The truth was that he didn't want his friends to see him. While the past two years had been strenuous, many things changed for the better. While fighting the evil Imperator Ix and the Nocturnus Clan, Knuckles discovered that he was not the last echidna. After Ix's defeat, Shade came back with the rest of the group and took up residence with Knuckles on Angel Island. Also during the course of the fight with Ix, Sonic discovered his true feelings for Amy, and the two of them had begun dating. While for many, the last two years had changed for the better, Tails had changed for the worse.

The good thing about their fight with Ix, for Tails anyway, was that it kept him busy. Due to the constant fighting, he didn't have time to grieve for his lost love. This changed after they found peace again. At first, he managed to keep up appearances. He still managed to find time to hang out with his friends. This continued until Chris came back. While the reappearance of his friend was a good thing, it brought back the Memories of the fight against the Metarex. That day was the first day since they began the fight with Ix that Tails went into his workshop to gaze upon the small blossom on his workbench. After seeing how little progress occurred over the year and a half, he entered a fit of rage. He grabbed the closest unfinished invention and hurled it across the room. It shattered as it hit the wall. Since then the size of the pile of broken inventions has increased as did his frustration. The rest of his workshop was also in a state of deterioration. The Tornado and the Cyclone sat in his garage, covered in a thick layer of dust, unmoved since the invasion of the Nocturnus clan.

The most noticeable change was his wardrobe. Before, he wore only a scarf on some occasion, but now he never goes anywhere without his leather jacket or any other piece of clothing that covered his wrists. His friends never really questioned the change any more than a passing inquiry, to which Tails would respond that he just felt like changing his style. He didn't like lying to his friends, but he feared the alternative.

Tails got out of bed, walked to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer. He reached in and pulled out a single razor blade. He looked at the fox reflected back at him in his mirror. This was the reason he changed his wardrobe and the reason why he didn't want to see his friends. What would they think if they knew about this shameful act that he indulged in? His only reason for doing so was to hopefully distract himself from the pain that he felt deep in his heart with a physical pain, a pain with a tangible cause. He rolled up the sleeve of the jacket he was wearing to reveal several scars of previous cuts. He lowered the blade slowly, questioning himself, like every other time, as to why he does what he does. He brought the blade across his wrist, as blood began to flow.

His revelry was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Fuck," he said as he grabbed a towel and wrapped his wrist. He ran to the door while thinking of an excuse for his hemorrhaging arm.

"Tails," shouted the pink hedgehog on his front stoop.

'_Why do I have to deal with Amy right now,' _he thought as he reached for the doorknob and opened the door.

"Hi Tails," she said cheerfully. Then she saw his arm.

"Oh my god," she said, "What happened?"

Tails thought quickly and said the first thing that came to mind, "I was working in my workshop and cut myself on a piece of metal."

"Let me help you," she said.

"No," he said, "That's okay, I've got it. Come in and sit down. I'll be right back."

He turned back to the stairs and went up to his bathroom.

Instead of going into his living room, Amy waited a few minutes and followed Tails up the stairs. She glanced into his bathroom to see him wrapping his arm in a bandage. She turned to go back down the stairs when she glanced into his bed room. She saw the puddle of blood on his dresser and the discarded razor lying in the center.

"My God, Tails," she whispered to herself, "What did you do?"

She walked into his room and picked up the razor. She turned to confront her friend.

"Tails," she said as he walked out of the bathroom, "we need to talk."

She held up the razor. Tails lowered his head in shame. That shame rapidly changed to anger.

"I told you to stay downstairs," he said.

He lifted his head and glared at her angrily. Instantly she was afraid.

"What right do you have to go into my room," he said seething.

"Tails, I…," she stammered.

"Get the fuck out of my house," he shouted.

"But…," she started.

"Now," he all but screamed.

Tears fell down her cheeks as she turned and ran out his front door. After she was gone, Tails anger suddenly turned into sorrow. He fell to his knees sobbing.

"What the fuck have I done," he said.

He stood up and walked into his room and slammed the door. He looked out his window to see Amy running down the road towards Sonic's house. He flopped on his bed and buried his face in the pillow and wallowed in his misery. He knew the day was far from over.

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I now have every chapter revised, and I'm currently working on the next chapter, so I'll keep uploading what I have done until I run out.

**Disclaimer:** Business as usual; nothing changed; still don't own.

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**Chapter Two**

Amy rushed to Sonic's house, bloody razor still in hand. She ran up and banged on the door. Sonic opened the door to the sobbing pink hedgehog.

"Amy," he said upon seeing her, "What's wrong?"

"It's Tails," she said, "I know why he's been so distant lately, and the real reason he changed his wardrobe."

He tilted his head in confusion. She held up the blood covered razor for him to see. His eyes widened as he opened the door for her to come in.

As Sonic stepped aside, Amy saw that Chris, Cream, Cheese, and Knuckles were there.

"Hi Amy," said Cream.

"What's the matter," asked Chris upon seeing how upset she was. Knuckles just glanced at her.

"It's Tails," she said, "I know what's wrong with him."

After Amy explained what she witnessed, the room was silent. Sonic was the first to speak, "I can't believe Tails would cut himself, I mean, I know that Cosmo's death affected him, but he seemed to be okay."

"I'm not a psychiatrist, but I did take a college class on behavioral psychology," Chris said, "People who suffer from depression sometimes try to find a physical outlet for their emotional pain. They tend to be very secretive about their habit, to the point that when they're discovered, they may try to take their own life instead of facing their peers."

"So you're saying that Tails might try to kill himself now that I found out," said Amy hesitantly.

"It's possible," Chris responded.

Knuckles stood up, "Then why are we still sitting here?"

Chris and Sonic also stood up.

"Stay here," said Sonic to Amy and Cream before he followed Knuckles and Chris out the door.

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Across town, Tails was contemplating exactly what Chris feared. He stared at his reflection.

"They probably all know by now," he said.

Though it made no logical sense, he managed to convince himself that it would be better off not living than facing his friends. He lifted another razor above his arm. The difference this time, however, was that he held the blade parallel to his veins. He slid the blade along his vein, letting the blood flow freely. He turned and made his way to his bed. By now, his arm was numb. He lay on his bed, waiting for death to come.

When Sonic and co. finally reached Tails house, Chris banged on his door.

"Tails," he shouted, "Open up. It's Chris."

They waited a few seconds for a response before Chris turned to Knuckles and said, "Break it down."

Knuckles nodded and with a well-placed punch, the door was removed from its hinges. They walked in.

"I'll check upstairs," said Sonic before running up the stairs. Knuckles walked into the kitchen, and Chris entered the living room.

"Chris, get up here," came Sonic's shout.

They rushed up the stairs to Tails' room. They found him lying in his bed unconscious in a puddle of his own blood.

Chris grabbed two towels and handed one of them to Knuckles.

"Put as much pressure on that cut as you can," he directed the red echidna.

He went to work on tying a tourniquet around Tails' upper arm while Sonic ran to the phone and dialed 911.

"We need an ambulance fast," he said before pausing for a second, "On second thought forget it."

Sonic ran back to Tails room.

"I'll take him to the hospital," he said.

Chris nodded and said, "Just keep pressure on that cut."

Sonic nodded as he lifted his best friend and ran out the door, headed to the hospital. Chris and Knuckles headed back to Sonic's house to tell Amy and Cream.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog or any related characters.

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**Chapter Three**

The first thought that Tails had when he regained consciousness was, _'Am I in heaven__?' _

Then he felt a twinge of pain in his arm and heard the steady beat of the EKG.

'_Guess not,' _he thought, _'I can't even kill myself right.'_

Tails opened his eyes and glanced around the room to find that his friends were all around him, but they were all asleep. Amy was sitting by his bedside with her hand intertwined with his. Cream was sitting beside her. Sonic and Chris were sitting in chairs at the foot of his bed, and Knuckles was leaning against the wall.

'_I've got great friends,'_ he thought, _'I don't deserve them. I've lied to them, worried them. They don't deserved what I put them through. Everyone would be better off if I wasn't here.'_

He closed his eyes again.

When he awoke the second time, he saw only Amy sitting beside him, this time awake.

"Amy," he said weakly.

"Tails," she said excitedly, "You're awake. I'll call everyone back; they just left…"

"Wait," he said, "Don't worry about it. Besides, I want to talk to you."

She turned and looked at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For yelling at you," he added after seeing the confused look on her face.

"Don't worry about that," she said.

"No," he said, "I had no right. I know that you guys are worried about me. I was just so ashamed that you found out, especially the way you found out. I wanted to tell you all the truth, but I was afraid of what you might have thought."

"Tails," she said with tears forming in her eyes, "The only thing I don't understand is why. If it's still about what happened to Cosmo, we understand. She was our friend too. We all loved her."

"That's just it," he said calmly before suddenly raising his voice, "You don't understand. Cosmo wasn't just a friend to me. There's no possible way you felt the same pain that I have, and you never will. The person that you love most in the universe is Sonic, right?"

She nodded slowly.

"The only possible way that you personally could feel the same way I feel is if Sonic was dead by your hand."

His words hit her hard and the only thing she could say was a whispered, "No."

"I pulled the trigger," he said definitively, "She's dead because of me. That's the pain I feel."

He lowered his head, and his tone of voice returned again to a calm speech, "The one I loved the most in the universe is gone, and it's all because of me."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Amy spoke, "Tails, I…"

"Just go," he said staring at the floor beside his bed.

She stood up and walked toward the door. She turned her head back to see her vulpine friend rubbing tears from his eyes. She turned back around and wiped her own tears as she walked out the door.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog or any of the associated characters.

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**Chapter Four**

Sonic was waiting outside the hospital for Amy. She came rushing out thought the doors, and he could see that she was upset.

"Sonic," she said, sobbing as she rushed over to him.

He embraced her as she cried into his shoulder.

"Everything will be fine," he whispered into her ear.

She looked into his eyes, and he placed alight kiss on her lips.

"What's wrong anyway," he asked.

"Tails told me why he did what he did," she said, "and it all makes sense. I just can't believe I didn't see it. I can't believe that none of us saw it."

"Let's head back to my place," he said, "Everyone's waiting."

She nodded, "Okay."

As they walked down the road, she glanced back towards the second story window to see the orange-yellow fox staring at the sky.

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Amy, Sonic, Knuckles and Cream were sitting in Sonic's living room in silence. Chris went back to his own dimension for the night, but not before stating that he'd be back first thing in the morning. Amy decided that she would wait to tell them about the reason for Tails' pain until they were all there.

"Nothing else is going to happen tonight," said Sonic, "So everyone might as well go home and rest. It's been a long day."

Knuckles and Cream nodded, and they walked out the door in the directions of their respective houses. Amy stayed. She turned to Sonic and said, "I don't want to be alone tonight."

He nodded. He led her to his bed room and said, "You can sleep here. I'll sleep out on the couch."

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around him as tears rolled down her face.

"Amy," he said, "What happened in that hospital room? What did he say?"

"He said that he feels responsible for Cosmo's death," she said, "but not just that. When I told him that I understood, he said that the only way I could ever understand is if you died by my hand. When I thought about losing you…"

A fresh trail of tears flowed from her eyes. He embraced her again and said, "You have nothing to worry about. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

He kissed her gently. She looked into his eyes.

"Sonic…," she said.

"Shhh," he said as he hugged her close. They stood in each other's embrace.

"I'm tired," she said after a few minutes. They walked into his room and lay in bed, never once leaving each other's' arms.

Sonic laid there watching the girl who had followed him since she was a child as she fell asleep. He rolled onto his back and began to think. His mind went back to what Tails told her. He thought about that question of who meant the most to him in the universe. He glanced over at the sleeping pink hedgehog. He ran his hand through her soft quills.

"I do understand," he said to himself while still looking at Amy, "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

He kissed her on the forehead.

"And I promise that with every fiber of my being, I will always be by your side to protect you."

He closed his eyes as the fatigue brought on by the day's events finally overcame him.

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